Speak up

This post is dedicated to the silent sufferers of domestic violence, sexual exploitation, eve-teasing, gender discrimination and\or child abuse.

Recently, I went to the market where I was browsing for a t-shirt at a roadside stall. The vendor was a 20-ish boy and I am way older than he is. As is our custom, I kept addressing him respectfully with my share of ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. He was however constantly referring to me in a patronizing tone. I hated the way he continuously showed me the wrong colors and patterns and completely ignored what I was asking for. What nailed it however was when I had finally paid for the stuff and was walking away. I ignored taking the polythene and was heading towards our car when suddenly he shouted in his atrocious manner ‘Panni to le lo ki sare market me dikhati huyee le jaogi’. That is it, I thought. It was just a t-shirt…a perfectly legitimate item. Not an undergarment or sanitary napkin; which I need to carry in a black poly packs much to my chagrin. I mean what is there to hide in garments we wear on daily basis or something which I need to use every month.

Not to mention, the havoc poly-pack pollution is causing for the environment. Honestly! If each one of us commits using one less poly pack per day that will help us more than all the awareness campaigns for global warming. 

Also I hated the way he completely ignored politeness, manners and etiquettes when he referred to me like that. I simply couldn’t take it any more.

I walked up to him, raised myself to my full height and said, “Bhai Sahab, pahle to aap tamiz se baat kijiye. Itni der se mai ‘Aap Aap’ kar ke bol rahi hu aur aap mujhe tu keh rahe hai. Dusri baat ye hai ki polythene ka istemal kam karna chahiye. Jab maine khud nahi manga to apko kya padi hai.”

That nailed it!! His expression changed from surprise to shock to embarrassment in less than 10 seconds. Sheepishly, he apologized to me and politely handed me the poly pack. It was hard to suppress the huge sigh of relief at finally taking a stand. Even harder was the attempt to hide that grin which came on my face. He was completely in awe when I walked back with my head held high.

Guys, it was a very small incident. But it mattered to me because I matter to me. How I am being treated matters to me. I have a right to be treated with equality if not respect. That is why I chose to speak up.

‘Being polite does not mean you have to be a coward and shouting does not make you right’ rightly nailed by Sonal Kalra in her write-up. Thank you Sonal!

  

As your love remains unchanged

I have been crushed, I have been trampled

I have been tortured to each limit, every measure.

But your sweet memory

Still remains…..

The heart cries but says ‘No gain without pain.’

…As your love remains unchanged.

I loved not looks, I loved not voice

In my achievements I hardly rejoiced

But all the joy

Lies in loneliness and rains

…As your love remains unchanged.

I don’t have the power

To change my feelings

I am not a coward

Though hurt, I am not screaming.

I am the trust that will always remain.

…As your love remains unchanged.

I have been through

A sheer hard luck.

I have come to

My very last buck.

But every time I suffer

My relief is your name.

…As your love remains unchanged.

I am being selfish

Though hard I try

To suffer but surrender

To your dreams and choice.

But still what I gain

Is your love remains unchanged.

And now I know

It is useless to try.

I can’t forget you

All through my life.

But I will refrain

From calling out your name.

But as you know

Your love remains unchanged.

Through pleasure and pain

Through sunlight and rain.

Your love remains unchanged.

It will remain unchanged.

-Bhavana

Let’s love ourselves

Here is what I plan to do this Valentine….

Imagine piling up every single notebook you have used since childhood or collecting butts of all the pencils you bought since you were 5 years old. They don’t add value to our life, they add clutter.

Then why should we collect memories of everything that went wrong? Why should we recall every single shortcoming, every single failure and every single disappointment when something untoward happens?

Why do we clutter our mind with negative thoughts? It has been rightly said in ‘The monk who sold his Ferrari ‘The mind is a garden and negative thoughts are like weeds. We have to remove all the weeds so that our beautiful thoughts can survive.’

Let us start loving ourselves. Let us for once accept ourselves totally and unconditionally. Let us trust our decisions, let us respect our choices.

We talk so much about how to behave with other people, how to be supportive, thoughtful and considerate. Now it is high time we do it for ourselves.

Come on! Let us face the world head on. Look into its eyes and dare it to prove us wrong. Let us dare the world to ridicule us, look down upon us, mock us and do whatever possible to discourage us.

Let us laugh at the face of all adversities, failures and shortcomings.

Let us show them what we are made of.

Come on everyone….Let us start loving ourselves before we love someone else.

Let me sit with my thoughts

Hi Readers

Problems are a part of our life. How so ever cautious we may be, we are human only. So when something goes wrong, you don’t have to kill yourself over it. Read on to find if this is the right thing to do:

Let me sit with my thoughts

Be it a pressing problem, a missed deadline or a break up – all generates a hoard of mixed feelings.

Some are sad and forlorn; they make you want to scream.

Some of them are abandonment personified, they make you seek company.

And some…some are positive as well; they make you think why it happened and what can be done.

So next time folks, when something goes wrong…

Don’t sit with friends and family to seek a post mortem.

Seek answers, seek solutions, seek changes.

Let us make mistakes but

Let’s not make the same mistakes twice.

PS: It does not mean you don’t have to share your problems with your family or close ones. It means giving more credit to introspection. Remember nobody knows yourself more than you.

Is it worth it? - An insight into arranged love marriages

Courtesy 2 states by Chetan Bhagat arranged love marriage is the way to go for today’s youngsters. It is easy for some and not-so easy for most of us.

The problem starts when a guy or girl approaches marriageable age. Prospects start coming to the girl’s house. The questions they ask range from ‘What is your height’ to ‘What are your future plans’. As if they will let her follow her dreams. It is a bitter truth that we girls have to constantly compromise career growth for family satisfaction. Most of the girls I know were ‘not allowed’ to pursue their desired field! ‘Allowed’ is the operative here.  I personally know doctors, engineers and management professionals who married well and quit their jobs.

Then if the girl passes the acid test, the family starts negotiating the deliverables. What kind of marriage, how many guests, which marriage hall to what kind of and how much of ornaments is discussed in detail and followed promptly by the girl’s side.

This does not end here. There are festivals and social occasions where you have to reward the in-laws suitably. Otherwise you never know when they will send your daughter back to your doorsteps.

Now let’s have an insight into arranged love marriage:

The guy and his family directly ask for the girl’s hand. There is no need to show her around and then wait for the reply. Further, there is no threat of a rejection. This is the worst part of an arranged marriage. You cannot imagine the pain of rejection when people say no for reasons as simple as her complexion or height.

Both the families are on equal footing. The girl does not necessarily come loaded with gifts and ornaments. She is accepted for herself and not for her family’s status or position.

Life long she gets to live with a person who knows and understands her. Someone, who knows her as a person not as XYZ’s daughter, she remains free to follow her dreams.

The best reason to accept such proposal is ‘This makes her happy’. Not for now but for ever.

Disclaimer: Not every person has the same experience. It is quite possible that the girl may have a supporting family in arranged marriage and a nasty experience in a love marriage. I apologize if I have hurt anyone’s sentiments over here. 

Illicit relationships: The reality Unleashed

Hi readers

This week I came across a shocking reality. A woman I know and respect shared the story of her husband’s illicit relationship with his own bhabhi. She bared all and I could not help crying on both the situation and the helplessness of it. It is so easy for us to say ‘Fight for your rights. Don’t keep quite if you see something going wrong. Do not stay put and bear the injustice.’ Its easier said than done…this truth was revealed to me when I…a staunch supporter of women’s rights could not confront the man and woman involved. Even though I see them everyday, I cannot find the courage to protest. No one does!!

Even though everyone has known of it since 12 years now, no one dared to tell them what they are doing is wrong.

The lady in question tried to fight for herself. What she got was black and blue marks all over her body and shockingly, an abortion. 12 years have passed since then. Owing to some complications during the abortion she did not have another child. Her treatment is stalled and she is unable to cope with both the loss of the child and the inability to help the situation.

Here I am…ultra feminist, fighter for women’s rights. What have I done? Nothing, zero, zilch. I can’t give the old excuse that I provide her moral support. Can my moral support give her the unborn child back? Can it erase the stigma that she faces? Can I stop people from calling her a barren woman? Oh no, I can’t. I can’t even stop that person from doing all this.

I watch that man every single day. Talking to her, mocking her, scolding her and sometimes beating her too. I am silent and so is the world!!

A whole lot of good the women’s day is doing for her. Who knows how many women are trapped in such situation? For how long?

God give me the strength to speak up.

  

To Damini

You are no longer here and I don’t know whether you knew of the outrage in India. Outrage which broke out after you were brutally raped and tortured to the extent which is not humanly possible.

I assure you today, we will follow it up. We will make sure those Satans are punished. The youth will continue with the protests, the candle light marches and the black dot on facebook. We will do whatever we can to get you justice.

Let the prominent people in this country ridicule us with their remarks. We will follow it till the end.

              

Rest in Peace love…away from this inhumanity.