afraid of the dark

Here I was, watching one of the endless programs about spiritual and material bliss. People going on about how there were endless problems in their life. Also how the concerned holy person was their only solution.

How they were desperate for a solution and how that person solved their problems in a jiffy.

Then I thought…why?

Why are we so afraid that there is something which will stop us from being happy, successful and at peace with ourselves?

Why do we seek quick solutions and why are we so eager to find anything but a direct path?

Are we so weak that a small amount of setbacks will disappoint us?

What about patience? What about perseverance?

What about struggle making you stronger?

Why are we so sure there is some unknown power all set to stop us and ruin our hard work?

Why are we afraid of the unknown?

Why are we afraid of the dark?

There is nothing wrong with faith. There is nothing wrong with trusting your abilities as well.

If your efforts are honest and sincere, success cannot delude you for a long time.

Trust your own self before trusting others. Remember, The Almighty has better things to do than being angry with you and ruining your life.

An Obituary

Mom

It has been a year now. . It is still hard for me to believe that you are no longer here (In this world). I call your number once, twice, thrice….not believing for a second that you are long gone. I call for you in the night when I need water; I talk to you in thoughts when I face any problem. I tell you about the heavy traffic every single day I come back from office. See! I have your photo clutched tight in my hands every time I can’t sleep in the night. When I go back home I seek you as soon as I reach. How could it have happened? How could you be gone? How do I know you are not here?

 I haven’t even gifted you the solitaire I promised, I haven’t built a home for you, I haven’t told you stories of my promotions, I haven’t shared my success with you.

Heck! You don’t even know my girlfriend’s name yet! I have not done so many things and now they will remain incomplete forever…..Miss you so much mom.

My lips are itching to say the words ‘Come back’ but I know his harsh truth that you cannot.

So here I am dedicating my life to you, to your dreams, to the things you left unsaid.

I love you mom, I will always do.

She came... Story

She came…….

‘Fortune favors the brave’ I heard this maxim for the first time when I was just a child. I have been living it till date.

I saw her in college, she was my class representative. The first thing that came to my mind was ‘Average’ and then she stood up to speak. In her golden voice and beautiful eyes, I lost everything. She was everywhere…in all the activities, in all the events and my thoughts too. My days were spent in looking at her and my nights in her dreams. Alas, she stayed away! I wanted to talk to her, like she did to everybody. She had a lot of smiles, a lot of compliments, something nice to say to everyone. . I noticed she was a very warm person. Her genuine concern was very endearing. I loved everything about her. Most of all, I loved the way she shortened my name. She used to call me ‘Am’.

I tried to talk to her but couldn’t. I never had the courage. I used to look at her and wonder about random things. Did she notice my blue shirt? Was she listening to my response in class? Did she notice I am an ace in accounts? Why was she looking at me for so long? Sometimes, I mustered up the courage to talk to her and she responded in her sweet, honest way. I kept on waiting for her to notice the way I looked at her. I wanted her to ask me so that I could spill my heart out. I wanted to be her best friend, companion, confidante and much more. The distance was frustrating me; she was close and yet so far.

I still remember the day I came to know that she was committed. Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! I chanted like a mantra. I cried in rage, broke everything I could lay my hands on, drunk till I passed out and avoided talking to her for quite some time. I felt cheated and angry, very angry. I cooked up crazy schemes for winning her over, wondered what the other guy had that I didn’t. I wished I could tell her my feelings, share my concerns, and show her how much I needed her. I felt helpless and lonely. The consolation that he was in a different city was just a lame excuse. The very thought that she belonged to someone else was unbearable. Every time I looked at her, I wanted to hold her in my arms and never let go till she accepted me in her life. I still believed she was mine.

And then it happened.

I was seeing her after 4 long months. She was slightly teary eyed, seemed lost and visibly upset. Suddenly I couldn’t take it any more and just approached her. “Coffee,” I said. “I broke up,” was the first thing she said when she broke her silence. It would have been a hilarious moment if it hadn’t been so serious. I was feeling sad for her, I could clearly feel her disappointment and yet I sighed with relief at finally having a chance to win her over with my true love. I felt like a villain while all the time I was trying to be her hero.

I said “What about me?” Her eyes widened with shock, disbelief, doubt and suspicion. “What about you?”

“I am here and I love you. Forget about him and come with me. I love you very much and can’t bear to stay away from you anymore. All these days I kept waiting for you to come to me. But you never came, so here I am offering my love and life to you, for today and forever. Please come to me, please, please, please!!!”

Words kept spilling from my mouth at random. I spoke about everything. My love for her, my disappointment at knowing she was committed, my dreams, my thoughts, my future plans; even the relief I got from her separation. I am sure she would have felt like killing me for that but I couldn’t help it. I finally poured my heart out and she listened without saying a word.

She finally broke her silence with the words which I will always remember. “Sorry Am, I am not ready for this right now. I don’t know if I will be ready for this in future. Will you give me time to make sure I accept you for you and your love and not because someone dumped me? Will you be the friend I never had? Will you be able to stay close to me and yet not being able to call me yours?”

“Yes, I will.” I said and to this date I remember the grueling days they were. She tried my patience in every way possible. Sometimes she refused to see me and told me off. Sometimes, she argued for hours on end as to why I was wasting my time for a vain hope.

Sometimes, she just enjoyed herself with me. Sometimes, she fought bitterly with me and walked away. Still I stayed there waiting for her. Waiting for her to realize my love was genuine and selfless. My feelings were true and everlasting. All this while, I made sure she knew I was there. No matter how much it hurt, no matter how much I cried later. No matter how many times I realized how deeply in love she was with him. I was there…

Then one day…something changed. That day when I went to see her, there was a stark difference in the way she looked at me. We went to an amusement park. I noticed the way she was holding my hand firmly. As if she will never let go. I noticed she looked at me differently…was it love? Oh God, how I wish it was. She stayed silent most of the time. But her eyes talked and they told me so much.

It took her 3 years to accept me in her life. I am glad she took her time…such a long time. But finally she was mine. She was mine to have and to hold. I was happy beyond words and I told her so. 100s of ‘I love you’s were exchanged and yet they could not express my love. I thought I couldn’t be happier than this but I was wrong. There was more to come.

One day, she called me and said, “Come and see me today in the evening.” I wondered what the matter was!! Why was she calling me like this? Oh dear! Did that guy come back after all? Did she find someone else? Is she breaking up with me? Have her parents chosen someone and she is calling to say goodbye one last time? What the hell is it! If only someone could tell me!!

I saw her waiting for me wearing my favorite color, white. She even wore the earrings I gifted her last valentine day. What was that in her hands? Was it all the gifts I gave so far? Or was it all my letters?

“Let’s go”, she said. I was too scared to ask where so I headed straight ahead. 5 minutes were gone when she said “Stop here for a while Am.” I stopped and just then….

“Close your eyes and no cheating,” she warned.

When I opened them a single Anthurium greeted me. She said “This symbolizes you, its one of a kind just like you. Now close your eyes again.”

I did like a dutiful child.

When I opened them again, a lot of carnations greeted me. Her golden voice touched my heart this time when she said, “This is my life with you…colorful, vibrant, pure and lovely. Close them again”

I was eager with anticipation and grinning like an idiot when I finally opened my eyes. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next. She was kneeling down in front of me, holding a bouquet of red roses. “Will you marry me and make my life this beautiful?” I just stood there grinning like an idiot when she said, “You know, you are supposed to say something and for the record…the gravel is hurting my knees.”

“Yes, yes and yes!” I said as I picked her up and held her hand.

“Come here, you”

She came…and I held her like I will never let go. It was right after all, fortune does favor the brave and it did.

What could be tougher?

In the wake of the recent incidents of rape with 5 and 6 year old children, the country is once again ablaze with talks of tough punishment, rigorous imprisonment and even death penalty.

Honestly, what can be tougher than what has been inflicted on the children?

What kind of punishment can you think of?

The stigma of rape is something you can never overcome. No matter how much water passes under the bridge, the horrors of that time will haunt them forever.

What can be more painful than being in unimaginable physical pain?

What can be tougher than enduring the violation of your modesty, decency and privacy in the most horrendous way imaginable?

What can be worse than not knowing or understanding what is happening with you and why?

What can be more hopeless than the situation they came across?

I wince in pain every time I read about the extent of their injuries. I get enraged even thinking about it.

And yet, here I am. Doing nothing about it!!

What can I do? How can I change the mindset of people?

What will it take for the rapists to stop and think?

No amount of Sorry’s, atonements and confession can right this wrong.

I am sorry, children. I am sorry for being so helpless while you writhe in pain.

Where are the culture cops and God men of the world now?

Why don’t they protest this attack on our culture?

Why don’t they comment on the dress?

Why don’t they advise her not to have men friends or venture out in the night?

Why don’t they give some mantra or something which the children could have recited to save them from this trauma?

Why are they silent now?

What kind of seduction could a 5 year old think of?

Answer me, my dear country. Please!!

The shadow

Every child is like a flower…Just like each flower has its own beauty, fragrance and inherent quality a child also has its own qualities, flaws and personality.

Still in every Indian family, there is this favorite son, daughter, sister, cousin…anyone who is more special than all the other children put together. That child can do nothing wrong, is always correct and promptly sought after in every party, wedding, gathering!!

Here lets have a look at an average Indian family. Exceptions are everywhere but here I am generalizing my own experience as the younger child…

What does being a younger child mean?

It means always being criticized by not only your parents but your elder siblings as well. Be it your looks, your career, your boyfriend, your language or the way you dress…everything is always under the scanner. For the record, you are always wrong. The fault is forever yours because you made the mistake of coming later in the world.

There is constantly a pressure to perform, to excel in what you do. Mind you, if your sibling is good at maths you’ll be expected to ace it. He\She may choose to be a doctor and thereby it will add extra pressure on you to be at least an engineer of sorts.

It does not matter whether you want to study commerce or literature, if he\she studied science then science it is for you too. 

You don’t matter, your choices don’t matter. Nothing matters!!

Sometimes it leaves you wondering whether you are a puppet of some sort.

You will never be allowed to act your age. You will always be compared to the elder and comments like ‘When he\she was your age, he\she did this, behaved like that and so on…

The moment you try to discuss your problem with your parents, they will be ready with… “He\she said the same thing. You too!!”

You will always be ‘you too’ no matter how hard you try to erase this ‘too’. No matter how hard you try to establish that you are a different person. You have your own set of skills, preferences, responsibilities and problems.

It is extremely difficult to establish your own identity when it is constantly being overshadowed by someone else. Not only that but you have to constantly face the criticism and even God Almighty cannot save you when anything goes wrong.

So dear parents, relatives, sisters, brothers and friends…I have one request to make.

When you talk to me, please keep in mind that you are talking to a person, not the shadow of someone else.  My thoughts are completely mine, they may be inspired or influenced by someone else but it does not mean someone is putting words in my mouth.

Whatever I do, I do out of my own will. I am definitely not copying someone else’s actions.

Acknowledge that you have two children, two different ones. Not one child and a photocopy!

Please set your child free to have his\her own experiences. Revel in ‘You did it’ not ‘He\she did it and now you have done this too’. Please love every child like you love each flower…different yet beautiful.

My country clean country

Hi Readers

With the likes I get for my stories, I can safely address people who are reading themJ.

I went to the market for some errands I had to run today. It was a horribly smelly experience. You want to know why?

Because of the people who decide peeing on the roadside is the coolest thing to do and most convenient to them…as it appears. Some of them are so obnoxious that they flash their pe***** if you happen to catch their eye. Shameless rascal** deserve a hard kick in between their legs for this.

We cry ourselves hoarse about honor killings, dowry deaths and leveraging the girl child. What about this? What about the way our honor is being killed little by little?

This is the reason I can’t even think of a railway station without gagging my mouth. How indecent can guys be, really? It’s not like there are not enough public utilities…but people have a strange habit of using them from outside. Everywhere you see yellowed, slimy and smelly walls and a not so gentle man standing in front of them.

There is nothing grosser than an unclean man or unhygienic habits. Any man who wants to make its mark on the ladies should remember this.

Guys please these are the basics for God’s sake.

For the more persistent ones try this.

“Every time you are about to pee on the road, imagine the prettiest girl you ever saw is wrinkling her nose and silently resolving not to hold your hand ever again ;-).”

You belong to us Shahrukh

Hi Shahrukh

Controversies are a part of every public figure’s life and film stars are no exception. A simple comment, a gesture unknowingly, bad hair days…nothing escapes the ever watchful eyes of our media.

But one thing did. The discrimination you face worldwide as a follower of a different religion. The way people disregard you in a city which was all set to honor you not once, but twice. The way Mumbai bans you from entering a stadium for no fault of your own. The way people perceive you as a non Indian when you are every bit as Indian as any of us are…may be more.

Way back in 2009, at Newark Liberty International Airport, New Jersey when you were traveling to celebrate Chicago’s South Asian Community and promote your film ‘My Name is Khan’ you were frisked, questioned and detained for several hours. Why? - Just because your last name is Khan. How come they did not know you? Google your name and we get a 100 movie names, special appearances, pictures, fan club websites and what not!!  You must have had an invitation card on you, (excuse my language) you should have thrown that on their faces.

Then came April 2012, this time you had a lecture to deliver in Yale University, Connecticut. The New Jersey Airport authorities detained you for a couple of hours and questioned you just because of your surname. You were accompanied by a prominent personality namely Nita Ambani then why was the need to question you? I find it downright insulting that such a well known person has to bear this humiliation. It is not only humiliating to you but is the shame of every Indian.

Everyone should take a lesson from your humbleness as you brushed it off with "Whenever I start feeling too arrogant about myself, I always take a trip to America. The immigration guys kicked the star out of stardom,"

Could racism be thrust in your face in a more appropriate way? I think not!

But there was more to come. The whole country chose to remain silent when you were banned from entering Wankhede Stadium. All because you were allegedly drunk and misbehaved with the security there. I don’t understand why they had to impose such measures. Your take on this is “They were misbehaving with the kids and you drink socially.” God!!  I can’t believe it’s the same Mumbai where fans line up for hours in front of ‘Mannat’ to catch a glimpse. Mumbai where there is an entire theatre dedicated to your evergreen film ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge’.

The icing on the cake still remains. A certain minister of a sorry country plagued by terrorism and civil wars has advised us to tighten your security. I say you should first take care of your own country.

It is true that most of the time, public figures like you are constantly criticized for things as insignificant as socially drinking. However, be rest assured that you are our own. You belong to us.