The shadow

Every child is like a flower…Just like each flower has its own beauty, fragrance and inherent quality a child also has its own qualities, flaws and personality.

Still in every Indian family, there is this favorite son, daughter, sister, cousin…anyone who is more special than all the other children put together. That child can do nothing wrong, is always correct and promptly sought after in every party, wedding, gathering!!

Here lets have a look at an average Indian family. Exceptions are everywhere but here I am generalizing my own experience as the younger child…

What does being a younger child mean?

It means always being criticized by not only your parents but your elder siblings as well. Be it your looks, your career, your boyfriend, your language or the way you dress…everything is always under the scanner. For the record, you are always wrong. The fault is forever yours because you made the mistake of coming later in the world.

There is constantly a pressure to perform, to excel in what you do. Mind you, if your sibling is good at maths you’ll be expected to ace it. He\She may choose to be a doctor and thereby it will add extra pressure on you to be at least an engineer of sorts.

It does not matter whether you want to study commerce or literature, if he\she studied science then science it is for you too. 

You don’t matter, your choices don’t matter. Nothing matters!!

Sometimes it leaves you wondering whether you are a puppet of some sort.

You will never be allowed to act your age. You will always be compared to the elder and comments like ‘When he\she was your age, he\she did this, behaved like that and so on…

The moment you try to discuss your problem with your parents, they will be ready with… “He\she said the same thing. You too!!”

You will always be ‘you too’ no matter how hard you try to erase this ‘too’. No matter how hard you try to establish that you are a different person. You have your own set of skills, preferences, responsibilities and problems.

It is extremely difficult to establish your own identity when it is constantly being overshadowed by someone else. Not only that but you have to constantly face the criticism and even God Almighty cannot save you when anything goes wrong.

So dear parents, relatives, sisters, brothers and friends…I have one request to make.

When you talk to me, please keep in mind that you are talking to a person, not the shadow of someone else.  My thoughts are completely mine, they may be inspired or influenced by someone else but it does not mean someone is putting words in my mouth.

Whatever I do, I do out of my own will. I am definitely not copying someone else’s actions.

Acknowledge that you have two children, two different ones. Not one child and a photocopy!

Please set your child free to have his\her own experiences. Revel in ‘You did it’ not ‘He\she did it and now you have done this too’. Please love every child like you love each flower…different yet beautiful.