I feel guilty….. And I am sick of it!!

Hi readers

There is one happy news I have got to share with you all… and sad too. The happy news is my boyfriend  of 2 years decided to decided to propose marriage.

He went through the family route. Convincing first his and then my dad.

You might be thinking I am over the moon now… not really. My folks keep me pinned to the ground.  They aren’t really thrilled with this whole arrangement, to be honest. They are angry, hurt and upset. It makes me feel guilty every time I look into their eyes and read betrayal in capital letters.

It hurts in the weirdest of ways. I mean it isn’t like I was planning to run away or something. I only wanted to marry him. He is a steady guy and we have a great relationship. It is based on equality, trust and a lot of patience on his part. He waited for me through 2 breakups before I settled for him. He all but stood upside down to have me say yes to him.  I made him promise he will convince my folks that he is the guy for me.

Here he is…inviting my dad to his family home. And here they are….whining and complaining and shouting as soon as they came back.

The problem….he does not belong to my caste. Thankfully at least we belong to the same religion.

Suddenly I feel as if two horns have grown over my head these days. As soon as I am in the same room with my parents, they broach subjects like how a certain person’s love marriage failed miserably. Or how an XYZ uncle’s son is employed in ABC Company and earns an impressive amount of salary.

I know what they are trying to say. I know what they feel about our do-it-yourself kind of marriage. I know they are itching to break this relationship.

That’s what makes me feel guilty. I don’t know what the right thing is anymore.

Is it right if I walk away from him for my family? Is it right if I simply choose to ignore the beautiful relationship we share? Is it ok if I call off the marriage?

My previous relationships taught me one thing very clearly. How so ever important a person might be, it is always possible to live without him.

But is this a valid reason? Will I be able to tolerate one more broken relationship? Will I be able to hurt him like this and yet be happy? What if I regret later? Will there be a way of turning back?

God, its so unfair at times. I see my brother talking to his friends as late as 12:30 in the night. Yet my parents choose to conveniently ignore that. Here I am…..no matter how short his call is, I always get a dressing down for it.

Why is it so hard for them to accept him?  

I wish for once they were happy for me. I wish they could welcome him as openly as his family accepted me. I wish our talking on the phone stopped irritating them. I wish they could see how sincere, honest and hard working he really is.

I wish for once I could cease feeling guilty and completely enjoy the feeling that we are making it official soon.

I wish my parents forgive me for choosing someone, for retaining the right to choose. I wish I could stop feeling guilty…for I am tired of it.

PS : It was years ago...I broke up with him...